The servants of darkness have lately begun to market a version of the DIDDLER which cannot in
truth be named DIDDLER. It masquerades as a DIDDLER but is not: it is the anti DIDDLER . We dub it:
the DID*LER
Where the DIDDLER is a brainwave to binary interface module which incorporates a flying insect based
electric tranference vehicle and hydroponic modulators, the DID*ler is just a box of fruit flies with a
bug zapper on the bottom and a modified marijuana tray on top.
Besides being useless; it has been
specially programmed to ruin your life in ways that we cannot describe or even understand:
testimonials and extracts from the print media will have to suffice. Interpret them as you will...
IF YOU DARE:
Testimonials:
A utensil salesman from Nowhere, North Dakota bemoans:
"I was sitting alone on my kitchen floor one day when a face appeared in a grease stsain and said 'Buy a
Dimfox Did*ler'; I didn't know what it was at the time and I don't own a computer but how could I disobey?
I got in my car and started driving...Well, I had only gone a few blocks when I ran over a small flaxen
haired child. If that wasn't bad enough,she carrying a box of newborn kittens. And puppies.
It wasn't pretty - damn that DID*LER"
A goatherd from West Nowhere Saskatchewan howls:
"I was cruisin' downtown sput, eh? And then I fall down this set of stairs, and this salesman guy was there,
and he sold me this DIMFOX DID*LER thing for, like, twenty bucks. It was ssuch a deal! I didn't even
notice how he went 'clip clop' when he walked, kind of like a goat. A big talking goat. Or maybe a
talking cow. I was pretty drunk. I forget what happened next.
A zipper technician from Spokane, Washington testifies
The Dimfox Diddler did not meet my diddling needs. The wires were all mismatched, I had to get several
parts from Radio Shack before I could even begin to set it up, and then while I was setting it up it
exploded in my face. There wasn't enough of my face left to reconstruct, so the plastc surgions had to cut
off my foot and reassemble it into a face so they could sew it on where my old face had been. It was a slight
improvement, but I don't want to have to go to that much trouble again. Whatever happened to quality,
anyway?
A beekeeper from an unidentified location wails:
"The DIMFOX DID*LER! It is.... wicked thing. It is devil thing. I spit on Did*ler. I am very much liking Mr.
Jackson's POCKET DIDDLER. Is good for computer, yes?"
A fish gutter in Switzerland declares
Early in the fall of 1995, my husband bought a DIMFOX DID*LER for his Pentium. At first I didn't mind,
but then I noticed the children started staying out late, talking to strangers, and generally carrying on.
No amount of locking them in the toolshed seems to do any good. I just know
it is that Dimfox Diddler, but my husband won't let me get rid of it. And if I get rid of it myself, I'm afraid he'll
sacrifice me to one of his horned gods.
Extracts on the DID*LER
The Journal of Intensely Cool Stuff, January 1996
DIMFOX has a new product out: it is touted as an interface between the human mind and the CPU of a
computer. It SUCKS!
Sudden Horrible Death Magazine, November 1995.
On October 9, 1995, Wang Chung sat down for a relaxing evening of cruising the Internet. No sooner had
he turned his computer on, however, than his head exploded in a shower of purple head goo. On October
11, one Jane MacLean in her room 500 miles away, was attempting to install Windows 95 on her
286 when her head suddenly Wang Chunged.
A disturbing pattern has begun to become apparent acrosss America: spontaneous head explosons. Sudden
Horrible Death Magazine has studied 17 confirmed instances of the phenomenon, and has found that the one
commonality in all cases is the presence of a new product from Dimfox: the Dimfox DID*LER, whose
packaging describes the product as a brainwave enhancer...
Kaboom! Adventures in Suicide Magazine, December 1995
MS Windows got you down? We got the cure. The Did*ler from Dimfox is going to make a really big splash
on the market... and the upholstery. It'll blow you away!
Reciting Statistics Magazine, December 1995
Eighty three percent of our readers will agree that 79% of the time, 19 times out of 20, in the seven to eight
hours after having 1.5 thoughts about purchasing a Dimfox Diddler, the subject in question will
suffer massive head trauma resulting in the pulverisation of - on average - 97% of the cerebral cortex, and the
shattering of the skull into, all other things being equal, 765 pieces, each of which will reach a maximum speed of
100 metres per second. In a 14 X 14 foot room, that amounts to complete wall coverage to a depth of 2mm
furniture excepted. Humidity is a factor.
The religious tendency of Seneca’s philosophy appears rather in his psychology than in his metaphysics, in the stress which he lays on human immortality rather than in his discussions on creation and divine providence. His statements on this subject are not, indeed, very consistent, death being sometimes spoken of as the end of consciousness, and at other times, as the beginning of a new life, the ‘birthday of eternity,’ to quote a phrase afterwards adopted by Christian preachers. Nor can we be absolutely certain that the promised eternity is not merely another way of expressing the soul’s absorption into and identification with the fiery element whence it was originally derived. This, however, is an ambiguity to be met with in other doctrines of a spiritual existence after death, nor is it entirely absent from the language even of Christian theologians. What deserves attention is that, whether the future life spoken of by Seneca be taken in a literal or in a figurative sense, it is equally intended to lead our thoughts away from the world of sensible experience to a more ideal order of things; and, to that extent, it falls in with the more general religious movement of the age. Whether Zeller is, for that reason, justified in speaking of him as a Platonising Stoic seems more questionable; for the Stoics always agreed with Plato in holding that the soul is distinct from and superior to the body, and that it is consubstantial with the animating principle of Nature. The same circumstances which were elsewhere leading to a revival of Platonism, equally tended to develope this side of Stoicism, but it seems needless to seek for a closer connexion between the two phenomena.376 He failed in the warning. He had barely gotten off the reservation before Geronimo and Nachez and their sympathizers broke out and started to reach again that fastness in the Sierra Madre from which they had been routed two years before. But he succeeded without the least difficulty in obtaining the position of chief of scouts. As the Deacon pondered over the matter in the early morning hours, he saw that his only chance of getting the horse back was to start with him before daylight revealed him to the men in camp. When beat the drums at dead of night, And he raised his right hand in testimony. But no man on Fruyling's World could see the Alberts without preconceptions. They were not Alberts: they were slaves, as the men were masters. And slavery, named and accepted, has traditionally been harder on the master than the slave. "Then why do the masters not push the buttons?" Marvor said. It was an ultimatum, and Cadnan understood what was behind it. But an attraction between Dara and himself ... he said: "There is the rule of the tree," but it was like casting water on steel. Chapter 12 The fields were very dark in their low corners, only their high sweeps shimmered in the ghostly lemon glow. Out of the rabbit-warrens along the hedges, from the rims of the woods, ran the rabbits to scuttle and play. Bessie and Robert saw the bob of their white tails through the dusk, and now and then a little long-eared shape. Chapter 13 "F?ather!" cried Pete, "you can't turn him out lik this." "And you w?an't, nuther," said Pete, soothing him. "What mean you, woman?" quickly returned De Boteler; "do you accuse the keeper of my chase as having plotted against your son, or whom do you suspect?" "No, not a syllable;" replied Calverley in almost a fever of excitement, "but be quick, and say what you know?" HoME一级老王免费AV
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